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Social Media – Friend or Foe?

March 15, 2012 by Chris B.

Who isn’t on social media these days?? That tends to be the question now. Not who is. I personally am on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Pinterest and Google+ (Loosely. And I’ll be honest, I still don’t get that one). I’m not going to lie, I waste spend a lot of time on these sites. In my defense, though, it is a part of my full-time job too, so how much time I spend daily may not be an accurate representation.

Anyway …

In the Road Widow world, I’ve recently been thinking about the role social media plays in our lives and relationships. I mean, on the one hand, it’s nice to be connected to our husbands, friends, their friends, family, celebrities, artists, media outlets, brands, and so on and so on. It’s like a constant stream of information keeping us “connected” to everyone we know (and those we don’t know). It can fill a void when our guys are on the road, away from home or doing whatever it is they do.

On the other hand, I find it can make you feel even lonelier. It’s amazing how, in this technology-driven world, virtually surrounding yourself with people can do that. But it does. At least it has for me. This is how it happens … I don’t have anything going on myself, I hop on Twitter and instantly I see my husband has posted about something he did that I didn’t already know about. Boom! Right away I feel left out. And, let’s be honest, I’m perturbed that I have to read about something pretty cool in my husband’s life on Twitter rather than him telling me himself.

Or maybe this has happened to you … Bored, you jump on Facebook and see a friend (maybe even fellow Road Widow) is footloose and fancy-free, going on some trip or doing something fun or whatever. You feel a twinge of jealousy and frustration that your life isn’t that easy.

It’s easy to judge on social media. It’s easy to think you have it harder or worse. It’s also easy to be envious of what our husbands are doing (or not doing) on the road or even at home when they’re not on the road. It’s easy because this constant stream of all the “fun” things everyone is doing is readily available online for us to consume. Whereas before social media we wouldn’t even know about them. Chances are most of the things people post on Twitter (or Facebook or wherever) are exaggerations and probably only about 3% of their real life. (I made that percentage up.)

What if we posted on Twitter every little thing we did every day? I know for me it wouldn’t be nearly as interesting! It would probably look something like this …

Woke up at 5am to get ready before my daughter gets up. Jealous? #RWChat

Baby girl is up at 5:15am. WHAT?!? I’m ignoring her. I *just* got out of the shower! #RWChat

Well 2 diaper changes, 1 oatmeal on the floor, a 10 minute temper tantrum and 1 bumped forehead later, and we’re out the door. Phew! #RWChat

Traffic! We’re late! #RWChat

Made it. At work. Let the good times roll … <insert sarcasm here> #RWChat

So stressed!! Work is crazy! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! #RWChat

Can’t think. So tired. Long day at work. Home with fussy toddler. Food and dishes everywhere. #RWChat

It’s 8pm and I’m going to bed. Don’t judge. #RWChat

Riveting stuff, isn’t it? Ha!

So when postings on social networks make us feel angry, jealous, lonely or sad, just remember … it’s not real life. It’s what everyone wants you to see about their life. It’s not their whole life.

Tell me what you think. Is social media our friend or foe?

Posted in General | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment »

Putting the shoe on the other foot

March 14, 2012 by Nise

I write this week from 30,000 feet above the earth. Work has recently turned me into the traveler, and my husband is practically a road widower!

 

It’s quite funny to me when the shoe is on the other foot. I tease my husband a lot about how if I called him as often as he calls me when he’s on the road, we’d probably not be on speaking terms half the time. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love it. I love that he misses me and calls so often.

I also love that he gets to experience what I experience most of the year. I love that he learns how it feels to be at home alone, having to create your own world sans-spouse. I love that he realizes how lonely the house feels when it’s just you and the cats (or dogs or kids or whatever.) I love how it makes him see my point of view. I think it’s healthy. I think it’s positive.

In the exact same breath, it makes me understand his point of view as well. (Even though I’m not off touring the country in a band.) I understand better that sometimes you’re just legitimately busy, and it’s hard to take that call from your spouse in that exact moment. I understand better that it’s just as lonely for the one on the road as it is for the one left at home. I understand better that there’s a twinge of jealousy (or just feeling left out) that comes up when the one at home talks about going out with our friends and having a good time.

I personally believe that a lot of problems that occur in relationships are based out of just not seeing the other person’s point of view.  I’ll be glad when I am back in the role of being the one left at home alone, but I’m finding I also appreciate being the one on the road. I see both sides so much clearer now.

Have you even had the shoe on the other foot? Has it helped you and your spouse?

Posted in General | Tagged , , | 1 Comment »

The Breadwinner

March 5, 2012 by lindsyr

When Dan and I decided to take the plunge into this lifestyle, we had no idea what the future would hold.  He went from a full-time job to part-time touring with a new band that wasn’t making tons of money.  Our financial future was unsure.  He had a goal of how much money he wanted to make but, really, that’s all out of his hands.  So, to soften the blow, we moved out of our house.  We are now renting our house to a group of college students and living in a rental which is saving us about $600/month.

Over the past two years, Dan’s income has increased and we’ve paid down a lot of debt and even sold one of our cars in order to keep expenses down.  We are in a good spot but I am still the breadwinner and I am starting to think that I might always be.  His income is nothing to complain about but it’s also not enough for a family of three to live off of.  But now that we have our first baby and I am trying to balance feedings and play time with working from home, I so badly want to just quit my job.

It’s hard to find a daycare that will take a child for 6 – 10 random days a month but I did find one.  When Dan isn’t touring he’s dad.  Just dad.  He does his bookings and Twitter and all that jazz while baby is asleep but from 9 – 5, he’s dad and I’m the breadwinner.  I type emails and make phone calls and they are just in the next room over playing and dancing.  (I join in all the time, too.)

It’s a lot of pressure being the breadwinner but at the same time I am proud that I can support my husband’s dreams.  To be honest, sometimes I feel like it’s all about him.   But now that we have a baby I cannot underestimate how valuable it is to have him home.  If he was working 9-5 everyday I think I would hate it.  For now, all I can do is be happy that I get to spend a lot of time with the baby and when Dan’s not touring we all three get to spend all day together.

But I still wouldn’t mind NOT being the breadwinner…. and I know Dan feels the same way.

 

 

Posted in Motherhood | Leave a Comment »

A perk I never take for granted

February 21, 2012 by Nise

Grand Ole OpryGrowing up, I always knew about the Grand Ole Opry and what it stood for in country music. I couldn’t tell you where or when I learned of it… its just something that I always knew and respected.

When I visited Nashville as a tourist and country music fan back in 1997, we made sure to visit the Ryman Auditorium and catch a showing of the Grand Ole Opry out at the Opry House before we left. It was a total highlight of the trip. We (my parents and I) went to see the OPRY.

Almost ten years later, my parents and I were back at the Opry… this time we were there to see my husband perform with the artist he was working for at the time. We all kept laughing and I was going, “Who knew it would be ten years before we came back… and that we’d be here to see my HUSBAND!” It was a total surreal, pinch yourself, evening.

I hoped deep down that some day I’d get to be backstage of the Opry, but none of the artists my husband played for ever had room on the guest list for me to get to go. And that was okay! I didn’t even ask after the first couple of tries. I finally got to see the backstage of the Opry when I took a tour with a friend visiting from out of town. As we walked around backstage, I marveled at it all. These were the halls where so many music greats had walked. There was so much history there!

A few years later, my husband went to work for an artist that suddenly DID have room on their guest list. I still remember pinching myself as I walked into the “Artist’s Entrance” of the Grand Ole Opry. I found great amusement in the fact that I was wearing the heels I had bought to wear to my Senior prom that night. Oh how far they had come!

290: Stepping into the Opry HouseI soaked it all in… every sight, smell and sound. There was my name on security’s list as an approved visitor. I found myself standing beside some of country’s greats, many smiling and nodding as you passed in the hallway. This couldn’t be real! I was dreaming, right? I was amazing! More than I could have ever asked for it to be.

The May 2010 flood broke my heart into a million pieces when photos of the Opry House underwater came out. I felt like someone has punched me in the stomach to see so much water covering such a special area.

When the remodeling was done, I was itching to see all that had been done. When the opportunity came to do so, I was ecstatic to find it warmer, a little bit “fancier” but still completely true to the Grand Ole Opry’s essence.  Everyone was just so happy to be back. I found myself in a fabulous conversation with a long-time Opry member in the bathroom as we exclaimed over how pretty it all was. We laughed at how they switched the men’s and women’s restrooms in the remodel, and we both wondered how many people would go into the wrong room out of habit. (I’m STILL almost making this mistake!)

Any time I get the chance to visit the Opry, it feels like getting a great big hug. It’s a place I feel so lucky and honored to get to visit, but it’s also a place that’s come to feel like another family. I savor every second I am there, knowing that there is never REALLY a guarantee that the opportunity to come back will be there. Life is funny that way, and I never just assume there will be a “next time.” But, for as long as I get to go, it’s one of those really cool “perks” of being a Road Widow (at least in the country music genre). One of those moments where you go, “This life really is pretty darn cool.”

177: Grand Ole Opry

Posted in Some of the perks | Leave a Comment »

Unexpected, Monumental Occurences

February 14, 2012 by lindsyr

What’s the craziest thing that’s happened while your significant other was on the road?  Maybe you’ve moved into a new place?  Bought a car?  Dyed your hair?  Dealth with a death in the family or a problem with the house?

I might have to one-up you…  During my husbands current tour, we received a foster child!  Our first child ever: a 5-month old baby boy.  We weren’t expecting us receive a child until after all of Dan’s touring  but they needed us and we accepted the call.  He is an amazing baby!  Since I’ve never had a child before I’ve gotten a lot just fine.  I’ve learned how to bottle feed and soothe a baby to sleep.  I’ve had visitors and presents and loads of laundry to do.  So far, it’s all I know.  I got the little guy on Wednesday and fell in love with him by Thursday and my heart BURSTS any minute I’m not with him.

Image

My husband is so excited.  He’s been asking for pictures and video and I’ve been sending it to him non-stop.  We also had a Skype video-chat session once.  My husband is flying home from Nashville and gets home in about an hour.  I cant wait for him to meet our boy!

So…. tell me your stories!  What’s the craziest thing that’s happened during tour?

Posted in General | 2 Comments »

Living With The Enemy

February 8, 2012 by Chris B.

There’s an unwelcome guest in my house. He’s small, full of crap, hogs the bathroom, accompanies my husband everywhere he goes and generally annoying.

See. Isn’t he annoying??

When you have a husband who travels a lot, some things just don’t make sense to unpack. I get it. I’m practical. But it doesn’t mean I have to like it!

Now I will say he’s pretty good about his suitcase and laundry. It’s just his toiletry bag. All those little bathroom things that are just plain stupid to unpack, just to pack again. But does it have to sit on the bathroom counter taking up precious space and taunting me?

I bet we all have things we dislike when our guys come home from the road. It’s those things that are a constant reminder of the inevitable. The thing that stares us in the eye and tells us “he’s leaving again you know.” Well this little, black toiletry bag is mine. It’s a major celebration when he is put away for an indefinite amount of time because that means my husband isn’t going anywhere anytime soon!

So, now you know my enemy … who’s yours?

Posted in Rant Alert | Tagged | 4 Comments »

Wishing for a reunion

January 31, 2012 by Nise

Recently, talk struck up between my husband and a couple old band mates about how much fun a reunion show would be. Whether they can get the artist they had worked for years ago involved or not doesn’t matter; they want to play great music together again.

I’ll be honest, my excitement about this idea could not be contained as they discussed the possibility. Through the years, I’ve lamented that group splintering. They were incredible together! A unique on-stage chemistry existed with them that doesn’t happen very often. An added bonus was that off stage, they were all as close as brothers.

It got me thinking about the various artists my husband has worked for, and the road families that each one has brought to our lives — the people that my husband worked beside, and lived with at times more than he did with me. I, myself, grew to love each and every one of those characters, and with the end of his time with each group — be the end voluntary or involuntary — a deep sadness could be felt as that connection was severed with them.

Today, I watch awards shows primarily to scan the bands, looking for old familiar faces. Old friends — old road family — from days past. I will cheer out loud (and on Twitter) when I see one in the spotlight. Any time my husband shares the stage for ANY reason with an old band mate, my heart smiles. Its like a little family reunion each time!

Will this band reunion happen? Hard to say. Too many logistics to figure out right now to know. But I want it to happen more than anyone knows. One amazing night with old friends road family? Yes, please!

Posted in General | Leave a Comment »

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