1. Girls Night – this one is obviously a must.  You’ve got to get together with a girlfriend … or 7!
2. Watch all the TV he would never want to watch –  for me, it was Gossip Girl. I’ve been watching it while he’s on tour and I’m all caught up so I need something new.  I will probably end up watching some kind of reality TV (like Project Runway or ANTM) that he cares nothing about.
3. Organize the house – what can I do with all my spare time while the baby is napping?  Organize.  Donate old clothes or trade them in for new ones, pull out the lawn furniture, alphabetize the pantry.  I’ll be glad I did and it will keep my mind off being home alone.
4. Special time with the kid – extra cuddles, walks to the park.
5. Try something new with the kid that the hubby wouldn’t mind missing out on – like, introducing dairy to a child that may or may not be lactose intolerant.  Or weaning off night-feedings.
6. Mani-Pedi –  ’Nough said.
7. Go to bed early – get all the extra sleep I can!
8. Exercise more – my husband and I are active but he doesn’t like exercise (like treadmill/weights/gym) so I get my best workouts done when he’s away.
9. Play dates – get together with other cool (just as busy as we are) mama-kiddo-combos!
10. Finish my book – finally.

XOXO,

Lindsy

It’s happened to me and my husband several times. We’re happy to be back together, and its wonderful! I always prefer doing the most mundane of tasks with him by my side. But next thing I know, its back to the bus and I drive away wondering why we never had a chance to truly connect.

I had a friend post online awhile back that hearing married couples go on “a date night” irritated them. “It’s just dinner! Not a date!” they ranted.

Spoken like a true single, I thought.

My husband and I have turned Monday nights into “date night.” It happened quite by accident, and now I am clinging to that for as long as possible.

Sure, we eat out. A lot. Mostly due to being out when its time to eat, and it is just easier to go get something than drive home and cook. (No, its not the most economical, but its usually the most simple.) But Monday nights? Monday we actually dress up a bit and go somewhere nicer than normal. There’s no time frame to fit it in. There’s nowhere we have to be before or after. It’s US time. It’s different from those everyday dinners.

Any time I go to a wedding and they do the whole, “Leave the couple a piece of advice” thing, my note is, “Never stop dating.”

Life gets crazy, and when tour season is in full swing it gets a little crazier. As much as we appreciate having our spouse at home, it helps to get time to reconnect. Us time. How do you reconnect and get quality time when your husband/boyfriend/fiance is off the road?

I mean, don’t we all live a double life with our guys on the road? There’s the life together, when he’s home, and the life we fill up with other things and people, when he’s gone. Not often do these two lives intertwine – to the point where it can seem a little Jekyll and Hyde-ish. At least to outsiders.

Once upon a time, I was much like Kelly in her post. I spent all kinds of time with friends while my husband was away. To the point where it was like I was afraid to be alone. And it was loads of fun. Don’t get me wrong! But then I fell off the face of the earth when my husband came home. Oops.

Now, it’s more like this:

Husband home = Me + Baby + Husband

Husband away = Me + Baby + No life

Ha ha!!

Anyway, I just thought it was worth posting for all you Road Widows out there. Tell me, what’s your double life like?

I can officially say that I am a Road Widow again and my husband has agreed to tour with another artist. This past weekend was his trial run – they were trying him out and he was checking them out. Well I guess both sides passed because we are back at it again.

Which also means I get to see this guy again.

Remember him? I blogged about it here.

Anyway, I digress, my point is that I’m back in the saddle again. Trying to remember how I made it before without going crazy. This past weekend was long, lonely and kind of boring. My 20-month-old is rather busy these days and I forgot how hard it is to constantly keep her entertained while also trying to do normal weekend things – run errands, laundry, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, etc. Yikes!

And I still work full time (duh!). And we want to have another baby. AND we’re still moving forward with the business idea. Are we crazy?!?

But I guess that’s what keeps our life interesting.

Right?

I traveled to the small town the artist he works for was doing a show. It just happened to be a town I had been to once before. Over ten years ago. For a high school football game. I had literally seen the football stadium and that was it, so I was looking forward to exploring another small town similar to the one I’d grown up in myself.

While my husband was indeed working while on the road, the road also is often a whole lot of “hurry up and wait,” so I knew he’d have plenty of time to go play hooky with me from the rest of the guys.

I picked my husband up, and after long tight hugs and kisses, we took off to explore. First on the agenda was to find food, and we ended up at a fantastic steakhouse.

While filling our tummies, we were given an opportunity to visit and catch up. Even though we talk multiple times a day, there’s just something about being able to look the other person in the eye as you tell a story or just explain something that is bothering you.

From there, we went in search of photo opportunities for me. We ended up at an old abandoned seminary, where we found ourselves wading through thigh-high grass to get a better look.

The whole time I snapped away, I couldn’t help but think, “I’d have never been here had he not had a show tonight.”

I always say that a perk of “the life” is getting to see places you’d never see otherwise. In some cases, its a more extravagant place (like Hawaii or anywhere over seas) and in other cases its a little gem of a location that’s overlooked by most. That was us this weekend. This adorable little town with so much charm and history made us fall in love with it. We agreed that we were quite lucky to get to be there and see it.

As the day went into the night, the show was done and it was time for him to leave. I walked him to the bus and said good bye. I’ve in the past parted ways like this in tears… left driving away blinking back tears, only to lose my battle. This time we’d had such a perfect day together, we parted with full hearts.

I went to a hotel for the night, and he climbed up on the bus. As always, we called to say good night a few hours later.

And what was funny? All we could talk about was how much fun we had and that we want to come back to that little town to explore again. While the day was about spending time together, it also ended up being about that town and our experience there. “The life” can take away experiences — holidays together, missed birthdays, etc. — but it can just as quickly hand you unique and precious other experiences.

Between work, a new baby, travel, touring, recording, booking, more work, social time, family time, visitors…. We are busy people!  Having a child has toned down some of our busy-ness, forcing us to stay at home a lot more than we’re used to.  But the kid is almost as busy as we are with his doctors visits, WIC appointments, weekly visitations with his birth parents and play dates.

We have a weekly chalkboard meeting on Sundays to figure out who’s going where all week.  It’s in the kitchen so we see it often.

Sometimes, one week of planning isnt enough.  So, I’ve found something that I hope will help!  I  just downloaded Cozi.  It’s a shareable calendar that is available for Android, iPhone, or Blackberry and can be accessed from any family member on any phone or computer.  It’s color-coded for each appointment:  Dark blue for Dan, Red for me, Gray for baby, and Light Blue for all of us.

How do you and your family stay organized?

Anyway …

In the Road Widow world, I’ve recently been thinking about the role social media plays in our lives and relationships. I mean, on the one hand, it’s nice to be connected to our husbands, friends, their friends, family, celebrities, artists, media outlets, brands, and so on and so on. It’s like a constant stream of information keeping us “connected” to everyone we know (and those we don’t know). It can fill a void when our guys are on the road, away from home or doing whatever it is they do.

On the other hand, I find it can make you feel even lonelier. It’s amazing how, in this technology-driven world, virtually surrounding yourself with people can do that. But it does. At least it has for me. This is how it happens … I don’t have anything going on myself, I hop on Twitter and instantly I see my husband has posted about something he did that I didn’t already know about. Boom! Right away I feel left out. And, let’s be honest, I’m perturbed that I have to read about something pretty cool in my husband’s life on Twitter rather than him telling me himself.

Or maybe this has happened to you … Bored, you jump on Facebook and see a friend (maybe even fellow Road Widow) is footloose and fancy-free, going on some trip or doing something fun or whatever. You feel a twinge of jealousy and frustration that your life isn’t that easy.

It’s easy to judge on social media. It’s easy to think you have it harder or worse. It’s also easy to be envious of what our husbands are doing (or not doing) on the road or even at home when they’re not on the road. It’s easy because this constant stream of all the “fun” things everyone is doing is readily available online for us to consume. Whereas before social media we wouldn’t even know about them. Chances are most of the things people post on Twitter (or Facebook or wherever) are exaggerations and probably only about 3% of their real life. (I made that percentage up.)

What if we posted on Twitter every little thing we did every day? I know for me it wouldn’t be nearly as interesting! It would probably look something like this …

Woke up at 5am to get ready before my daughter gets up. Jealous? #RWChat

Baby girl is up at 5:15am. WHAT?!? I’m ignoring her. I *just* got out of the shower! #RWChat

Well 2 diaper changes, 1 oatmeal on the floor, a 10 minute temper tantrum and 1 bumped forehead later, and we’re out the door. Phew! #RWChat

Traffic! We’re late! #RWChat

Made it. At work. Let the good times roll … <insert sarcasm here> #RWChat

So stressed!! Work is crazy! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! #RWChat

Can’t think. So tired. Long day at work. Home with fussy toddler. Food and dishes everywhere. #RWChat

It’s 8pm and I’m going to bed. Don’t judge. #RWChat

Riveting stuff, isn’t it? Ha!

So when postings on social networks make us feel angry, jealous, lonely or sad, just remember … it’s not real life. It’s what everyone wants you to see about their life. It’s not their whole life.

Tell me what you think. Is social media our friend or foe?

It’s quite funny to me when the shoe is on the other foot. I tease my husband a lot about how if I called him as often as he calls me when he’s on the road, we’d probably not be on speaking terms half the time. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love it. I love that he misses me and calls so often.

I also love that he gets to experience what I experience most of the year. I love that he learns how it feels to be at home alone, having to create your own world sans-spouse. I love that he realizes how lonely the house feels when it’s just you and the cats (or dogs or kids or whatever.) I love how it makes him see my point of view. I think it’s healthy. I think it’s positive.

In the exact same breath, it makes me understand his point of view as well. (Even though I’m not off touring the country in a band.) I understand better that sometimes you’re just legitimately busy, and it’s hard to take that call from your spouse in that exact moment. I understand better that it’s just as lonely for the one on the road as it is for the one left at home. I understand better that there’s a twinge of jealousy (or just feeling left out) that comes up when the one at home talks about going out with our friends and having a good time.

I personally believe that a lot of problems that occur in relationships are based out of just not seeing the other person’s point of view.  I’ll be glad when I am back in the role of being the one left at home alone, but I’m finding I also appreciate being the one on the road. I see both sides so much clearer now.

Have you even had the shoe on the other foot? Has it helped you and your spouse?

Over the past two years, Dan’s income has increased and we’ve paid down a lot of debt and even sold one of our cars in order to keep expenses down.  We are in a good spot but I am still the breadwinner and I am starting to think that I might always be.  His income is nothing to complain about but it’s also not enough for a family of three to live off of.  But now that we have our first baby and I am trying to balance feedings and play time with working from home, I so badly want to just quit my job.

It’s hard to find a daycare that will take a child for 6 – 10 random days a month but I did find one.  When Dan isn’t touring he’s dad.  Just dad.  He does his bookings and Twitter and all that jazz while baby is asleep but from 9 – 5, he’s dad and I’m the breadwinner.  I type emails and make phone calls and they are just in the next room over playing and dancing.  (I join in all the time, too.)

It’s a lot of pressure being the breadwinner but at the same time I am proud that I can support my husband’s dreams.  To be honest, sometimes I feel like it’s all about him.   But now that we have a baby I cannot underestimate how valuable it is to have him home.  If he was working 9-5 everyday I think I would hate it.  For now, all I can do is be happy that I get to spend a lot of time with the baby and when Dan’s not touring we all three get to spend all day together.

But I still wouldn’t mind NOT being the breadwinner…. and I know Dan feels the same way.