About Lindsy

I'm Lindsy: a photographer, Nashville event planner, adoptive mother and wife of a touring musician. I cant make up my mind most of the time but when I do it sticks. Like the time when I was 17 and I met this goofy guitarist with a heart of gold and knew I had to make him mine forever. I like running, yoga, vegetables, and a bunch of other stuff. You can read more on my Personal Blog: http://nashvillenarnian.blogspot.com/

I Need You

This week, for the first time ever, I got to feel what it was like to be the unavailable person in the relationship. This time it wasn’t bad cell service in small town venues or traveling abroad. It was dunking my phone in a toilet. For 24 hours my phone was drying out, possibly dead, in a bag of rice. Coincidentally, my husband didn’t have WiFi so he didn’t get my Facebook messages. We had no contact. Not one text, tweet or video chat. It was like touring in the 80s!

I realized throughout the day how often I call my husband. During those 24 hours I showed our son his new daycare and that’s something I would have called him to tell him all about. I bought a ton of groceries and a few things for the house. I made plans with friends (via Facebook message) and I wished I could have consulted him on some of it. But, because I couldn’t, I just rolled with it! Independent woman over here!

Normally he’s the one that’s hard to get a hold of. I have internet access and a cell phone [with a charge!] pretty much all day. It’s a disgusting balance of being independent because you can’t rely on him but still needing him there for moral support and to discuss your life with. This lifestyle requires us to be independent but doting, self-sufficient but loyal. I want to believe I’m independent and then I have trouble deciding what color sheets to buy or who to invite to dinner next week and I am reminded that he’s with me. I need him. He is a part of every mundane detail of my life regardless of the fact that he’s been on the road for over 150 days this year already. (There have been 239 days this year, for the record). 

Wanna know what the first text I sent was?

2014-08-27 22.15.15

Five on Friday: 5 of Our Most Popular (and Helpful) Posts

We’ve had a lot of new visitors on our Facebook page and a ton of new traffic to the site so I thought I’d do a little recap! Here are five of our most popular and helpful posts.

1. The Musician’s Tour Clock.  This is a post I wrote, complete with a graphic, that shares about what exactly your man is doing while he’s away. 

2. Things only other Road Widows will understand.  Nise wrote this post and it’s spot on. You’ll get it.

3. Things your traveling husband should never (ever) say to you.  These will either make you mad or make you laugh — depending on what day it is. 

4. Blurred Lines. This was a saucy little piece written by Chris, our creator. It’s about fidelity and trusting your man while he’s on the road. 

5. Who We Are. Nise gives us a clear depiction of who Road Widows are (who YOU are) and what we’re all about. 

 

Thank you so much for being a part of this community. What have been some of your favorite posts – on this site, or others?

 

 

Missing His Dad

Since moving to Nashville nearly 6 months ago, my husband has been non-stop touring. He’s popped in here and there, stayed home for a week to ten days a couple times. But, other than that, he’s been on the road. It was starting to wear on me and I’ve had a few of those, “I dont know if I can do this anymore” conversations with myself and sometimes with my husband. I’ve gotten used to it, for lack of a better explanation. I’m fine. This week.

I am having a problem with the current tour, though. This problem is new to me: our son, Liam, is missing daddy in the worst way. He’s acting out, being overly clingy, refusing to talk to dad on the phone, crying for daddy before bed, looking for daddy whenever we go out. It’s heartbreaking. Yesterday when I made him talk to dad on the phone he said, “Daddy, you work too much. Dont go to work ever again!“. My husband feels terrible. I feel terrible. 

This is new territory for us as this almost-3-year-old is communicating so much better than he used to. It’s heartbreaking for us to hear him say those things even when we knew he always felt them.

Dad gets home in a couple days and then we’re all going to back to our home state for 2 weeks together. Hopefully our son will get the attention from dad that he so desperately needs. 

My plan, when we return is to try and show Liam where daddy is and when he’s coming home. Up until now we’ve kept daddy’s coming and goings a surprise – so as not to get him too anxious. But we think he might be at the age where he can start to comprehend time and space. So, I plan to teach Liam the days of the week. We’ll get a calendar and we’ll get a map. We’ll talk about what day it is and count how many days until dad is home. We’ll make a magnet of daddy and of us and show him where daddy is in the world. 

Any other suggestions on how to help our son through this? Please share your ideas in the comments or on our Facebook page!

road_trip_map_small

map via: http://www.awanderingsole.com/

 

Dear Festivals, I Have an Idea

Dear Festivals,

I realize that you need to be in remote locations in order to accommodate large crowds and play loud music. However, sometimes I don’t hear from my husband for days. He’s in a small band so their “bus” doesn’t have “wifi” and sometimes he stays at the festivals for an extra day or two to sell merch because that’s what you’ve gotta do when you’re an indie band. It would be really nice if you could provide secure, password-protected wifi for band and crew members. It’s 2014. It’s not that hard to do and it’s not that expensive either. It would mean the world to me and all the other frustrated road widows out there if we could keep in touch with our husbands easily. Just an idea. Keep doing what you’re doing!

Signed,

A Band Wife

via blackhoodieco.com

via blackhoodieco.com

Five on Friday: 5 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Long-Distance Relationship

My husband and I have barely seen each other all year. We have always been a couple that spends a lot of time together. We started dating in college. He lived down the hall and we took all the same classes. We’ve worked a few jobs together and we spent a year volunteering at a camp in France and never left each other’s side. So, when his music career started it was hard not having him around all the time. But on the other hand, I also felt like I’d gotten a few good years of spending plenty of (maybe too much?) time with him. So, since my husband has been on the road almost 150 days of 2014, I am definitely in the throes of a long-distance relationship! I’ve written a list of 5 ways to maintain a healthy long-distance relationship –

1. Communicate in some way every day, if possible. Since you won’t be seeing each other, it’s important to establish and maintain an emotional connection. These don’t always have to be long, in-depth conversations. Tell each other about your little triumphs and tragedies.
2. Work around each other’s schedule. Do your best to maintain communication, even if one of you gets busier than the other. If you are the busy one, warn your partner that you may have limited time, and try to send at least a quick email or text, or a share a brief phone call. If you are the not-as-busy person, take advantage of the time by picking up a new hobby, getting in shape, reading a new book, etc. Flexibility is very important.
3. Don’t hold back. Words are often all we have. Don’t be afraid to be mushy and sappy. Always say “I love you” and “I miss you”. It’s nice to hear.
4. Be invested. Invest in each other in every way possible. Pay attention! Stay focused during phone calls: turn off the TV and try not to have in-depth conversations while you’re driving or with other people, for instance. Try to remember where he is, what venues he’s playing, who he’s with. You can also keep track of your man on social media. Retweet their tweets and like their Facebook posts! Social media can make you feel like you’re with them so keep track of their band.
5. Lower your expectations. Sometimes he’s going to forget to send flowers. Sometimes you’re going to fall asleep before he calls to say goodnight. It’s inevitable: You’re going to fail each other. He’s going to miss birthdays and anniversaries and holidays. Discuss it if you need to, talk about your disappointment and then move on.
What else, ladies? How do you maintain a healthy relationship when your man is gone?

Freshman Orientation

Four years ago, when my husband started touring for the first time, we went through a difficult “freshman year”. Unsure of how much money he’d be making, we rented out the house we owned and moved into an apartment. I found out my parents were splitting up and my husband was God-knows-where for 4 full weeks. Eventually, I came to terms with all the change in my life. I became a stronger, more confident woman and I learned so much about myself and my pride.

We moved to Music City three months ago and it feels like we’re starting over yet again. Fellow RW contributor, Nise, coined a term: Nashville Freshman. Every new artist, band member, songwriter, and crew person goes through it. You’re new in town, unsure of where to go, who to trust, how to make ends meet. Freshman year is hard. A lot of people blow into this town expecting to make it big in an instant. They run out of money. They run out of passion. Some go home or get “side jobs” and lose focus of why they came here in the first place.

Even though our 2nd “freshman year” has been draining (financially and emotionally) I’m too stubborn to give up. I’m so thankful for the friends I’ve made, most of them road widows, who are eager to help a newbie. Who understand, probably more than I realize, what’s like to be the newbie.

What got you through your freshman orientation?

Five on Friday: Dream Jobs for a Rock Star’s Wife

Careers are on my mind as we recently moved from Seattle to Nashville. I was a marketing project manager for seven years. I worked 40 hours a week from home and sometimes, before I became a mom, from the road. Since the big move to the South, the world was my oyster. I had the opportunity to do just about anything I wanted. I landed a great job (#3 on my list) and I’ve been meeting some awesome road widows with really cool jobs, too. I’ve compiled a list of road widow dream jobs that I personally think would compliment the life of a rock star or crew member…

 

1. Bartender – You’ll work late nights so you’ll be on the same schedule as your man. His 2am phone calls are appropriate since you’re sleeping until noon!

2. Teacher – School teachers get the summer off. A great time to you join your man on the road for festival season!

3. Event Planner – Work when you want and work really hard on the weekends when he’s super busy.

4. Road Manager – If you really want to see your man a lot, manage his tour!

5. Mom - Someone’s gotta raise those kids. Especially with daddy being in and out and the busy-ness of this lifestyle, being a mom to a road kiddo is an extra special job.

So, there’s my list. What’s your dream job?