About Lindsy

I'm Lindsy: a photographer, Nashville event planner, adoptive mother and wife of a touring musician. I cant make up my mind most of the time but when I do it sticks. Like the time when I was 17 and I met this goofy guitarist with a heart of gold and knew I had to make him mine forever. I like running, yoga, vegetables, and a bunch of other stuff. You can read more on my Personal Blog: http://nashvillenarnian.blogspot.com/

Dear Festivals, I Have an Idea

Dear Festivals,

I realize that you need to be in remote locations in order to accommodate large crowds and play loud music. However, sometimes I don’t hear from my husband for days. He’s in a small band so their “bus” doesn’t have “wifi” and sometimes he stays at the festivals for an extra day or two to sell merch because that’s what you’ve gotta do when you’re an indie band. It would be really nice if you could provide secure, password-protected wifi for band and crew members. It’s 2014. It’s not that hard to do and it’s not that expensive either. It would mean the world to me and all the other frustrated road widows out there if we could keep in touch with our husbands easily. Just an idea. Keep doing what you’re doing!

Signed,

A Band Wife

via blackhoodieco.com

via blackhoodieco.com

Five on Friday: 5 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Long-Distance Relationship

My husband and I have barely seen each other all year. We have always been a couple that spends a lot of time together. We started dating in college. He lived down the hall and we took all the same classes. We’ve worked a few jobs together and we spent a year volunteering at a camp in France and never left each other’s side. So, when his music career started it was hard not having him around all the time. But on the other hand, I also felt like I’d gotten a few good years of spending plenty of (maybe too much?) time with him. So, since my husband has been on the road almost 150 days of 2014, I am definitely in the throes of a long-distance relationship! I’ve written a list of 5 ways to maintain a healthy long-distance relationship –

1. Communicate in some way every day, if possible. Since you won’t be seeing each other, it’s important to establish and maintain an emotional connection. These don’t always have to be long, in-depth conversations. Tell each other about your little triumphs and tragedies.
2. Work around each other’s schedule. Do your best to maintain communication, even if one of you gets busier than the other. If you are the busy one, warn your partner that you may have limited time, and try to send at least a quick email or text, or a share a brief phone call. If you are the not-as-busy person, take advantage of the time by picking up a new hobby, getting in shape, reading a new book, etc. Flexibility is very important.
3. Don’t hold back. Words are often all we have. Don’t be afraid to be mushy and sappy. Always say “I love you” and “I miss you”. It’s nice to hear.
4. Be invested. Invest in each other in every way possible. Pay attention! Stay focused during phone calls: turn off the TV and try not to have in-depth conversations while you’re driving or with other people, for instance. Try to remember where he is, what venues he’s playing, who he’s with. You can also keep track of your man on social media. Retweet their tweets and like their Facebook posts! Social media can make you feel like you’re with them so keep track of their band.
5. Lower your expectations. Sometimes he’s going to forget to send flowers. Sometimes you’re going to fall asleep before he calls to say goodnight. It’s inevitable: You’re going to fail each other. He’s going to miss birthdays and anniversaries and holidays. Discuss it if you need to, talk about your disappointment and then move on.
What else, ladies? How do you maintain a healthy relationship when your man is gone?

Freshman Orientation

Four years ago, when my husband started touring for the first time, we went through a difficult “freshman year”. Unsure of how much money he’d be making, we rented out the house we owned and moved into an apartment. I found out my parents were splitting up and my husband was God-knows-where for 4 full weeks. Eventually, I came to terms with all the change in my life. I became a stronger, more confident woman and I learned so much about myself and my pride.

We moved to Music City three months ago and it feels like we’re starting over yet again. Fellow RW contributor, Nise, coined a term: Nashville Freshman. Every new artist, band member, songwriter, and crew person goes through it. You’re new in town, unsure of where to go, who to trust, how to make ends meet. Freshman year is hard. A lot of people blow into this town expecting to make it big in an instant. They run out of money. They run out of passion. Some go home or get “side jobs” and lose focus of why they came here in the first place.

Even though our 2nd “freshman year” has been draining (financially and emotionally) I’m too stubborn to give up. I’m so thankful for the friends I’ve made, most of them road widows, who are eager to help a newbie. Who understand, probably more than I realize, what’s like to be the newbie.

What got you through your freshman orientation?

Five on Friday: Dream Jobs for a Rock Star’s Wife

Careers are on my mind as we recently moved from Seattle to Nashville. I was a marketing project manager for seven years. I worked 40 hours a week from home and sometimes, before I became a mom, from the road. Since the big move to the South, the world was my oyster. I had the opportunity to do just about anything I wanted. I landed a great job (#3 on my list) and I’ve been meeting some awesome road widows with really cool jobs, too. I’ve compiled a list of road widow dream jobs that I personally think would compliment the life of a rock star or crew member…

 

1. Bartender – You’ll work late nights so you’ll be on the same schedule as your man. His 2am phone calls are appropriate since you’re sleeping until noon!

2. Teacher – School teachers get the summer off. A great time to you join your man on the road for festival season!

3. Event Planner – Work when you want and work really hard on the weekends when he’s super busy.

4. Road Manager – If you really want to see your man a lot, manage his tour!

5. Mom - Someone’s gotta raise those kids. Especially with daddy being in and out and the busy-ness of this lifestyle, being a mom to a road kiddo is an extra special job.

So, there’s my list. What’s your dream job?

 

Kindness from a Stranger: Spending Mother’s Day Alone

I almost spent Mother’s Day alone, just me and my son. I decided I couldn’t bear it so I wrote on a Facebook group of Nashville band wives that I’d like to go to the lake if anyone wanted to join me. But no one replied and I truly hope that all of the other road mamas had their husbands home. I got a surprise invite to an afternoon bbq and the most amazing part is that it was from a woman I don’t know at all. My husband had met hers at a festival last summer – but she didnt know that. I gladly accepted the invitation and had a lovely time at their house. Her husband was not on the road and they invited over the neighbor (also a road widow whose husband was on the road). It was humbling and it was awesome.  mothersday-2-2014Maybe it was nothing for them to throw 2 extra burgers on the grill. Or maybe it was a real struggle for her (and her husband!) to share her Mother’s Day with a weird, random stranger who just moved here from Seattle. She had no obligation to me at all. I’m not sure if this new friend knows how much it meant to me but it brightened my day by 10,000,000 watts.

I want to challenge us all to pay it forward. Check in with your fellow band wives and other road widows. It can be so lonely and so hard, even for those who have been doing it for decades. Lift each other up, ladies!