We’ve certainly started off 2013 with a bang. A BIG BANG, in fact. Full of lots of new things and big changes.

On January 4, my husband and I welcomed our new baby boy into our family, officially making us a family of four. (I still have butterflies in my stomach when I say that. Yikes!) It also happened to be my husband’s birthday … isn’t that special? Our son’s arrival is a particularly fun story to tell, but I’ll have to share that another time.

The New Year has also brought another big change to our family … of the touring kind. In addition to having a baby, my husband has started a new gig! And it’s a pretty big deal. Like a REALLY big deal. It is totally awesome for him.

And while it is totally awesome … it is also completely overwhelming. Here I sit with a 10 day old newborn while my husband is in tour rehearsals all day and evening until he leaves for Europe next Monday. I’m squeezing in writing this before I go pick my 2 ½ year old daughter up. And I’m wondering how I’m going to handle two kids, different schedules and sleepless nights without his help. We haven’t even settled into life as a family of four yet. Heck, he’s been preoccupied with prepping for this new gig since the day our son was born! I’m exhausted, emotional, scared, stressed, and, if I’m being completely honest, a little depressed. And it doesn’t help that it’s the middle of January, it’s freezing cold, it’s been gray outside pretty much everyday and I’ve been cooped up since the day we came home from the hospital.

But I also know that this gig is really important and an amazing opportunity. We both knew when it came up that it was one of those things in life that you can’t just turn away from. I don’t doubt we made the right decision. And I am so incredibly proud of my husband.

Yet in this moment, right now, I can’t help but feel lonely. It may be the post-partum depression setting in a little. Or it may be a reaction to all the change happening in our life. Or, even more likely, it’s a combination of both. I feel like I’m standing still in a cyclone of lots of things swirling around me. And I just don’t know what (or who) to hang onto.

I know this entire post is a bit of dichotomy – here are these wonderful things happening yet I’m not quite acting happy about them. Deep down I know I’m thankful. I think I’m just in a bit of a fog right now and I’m hoping in writing this all my Road Widow friends can help me clear it.