One of Those Weeks

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Last week was just one of those weeks!  We got a packet of paperwork we had to fill out.  It arrived on Saturday and it was due in a little over a week.  The packet required a doctor to sign off on our health (among 9,000 other things) and well, we don’t go to doctors.  My husband is barely insured and I haven’t seen a regular doctor since I got a sports physical in high school. And he left on Friday for three weeks. And your son has swim lessons at 3:30 in the afternoon because that’s the only class you could get into. And last weekend I single-handedly planned and ran a HUGE three-day event at the fairgrounds.

I’m bummed that my husband is gone for three weeks but last week so crazy that I welcome the peace and quiet this week will bring.  I am so glad it’s Monday!  (I cant believe I’m saying that!)

Needing a Little Encouragement

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My husband left last week. He’s gone til June. Three weeks. THREE! This is the longest I’ve been on my own with two kids. No family visitors to help. Just me, a near three-year old and a four-month old.

And I’ll admit. It has not been off to a good start.

My near three-year old, going on sixteen-year old, has been majorly challenging since daddy left. She is smart. Too smart. And she knows how to push my buttons. All of them. And she’s been doing just that. Not to mention, acting out, throwing tantrums over the most insignificant things, whining, complaining about everything and procrastinating doing anything that is a “must do” (think brush teeth, get dressed, go potty).

It’s a vicious cycle. She does all these things that make me frustrated. I’m tired because our nights aren’t great. She pushes the boundaries and whines and acts out. And then I lose it. And she wins.

Sigh.

I’m working on setting up a more regimented schedule for her. She used to be in daycare and I think she misses the structure that type of setting brings. So I am mapping out our day from the time she wakes up to the time she goes to bed. Planning everything in between in the hopes that with a predictable routine, she’ll start acting better. And, in turn be nicer to me so that I don’t feel like I want to scream all the time.

I’m not sure if it’s the schedule, a phase, the “getting close to three” age conundrum, or what. But I sure don’t love how she “turns it on” the minute daddy boards a plane!

So I guess I’m writing this post to ask for any advice or encouragement you fellow Road Widows can offer. I’m at the end of my rope! And the sad thing is … we’re only four days into this run …

Switching Places

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nashville_hotel_001I spent last night in a hotel.

By. Myself.

No kids, no husband. Just me.

And it was weird. But good.

My husband is gone a LOT this month. So the “night off” was an attempt to give me a break, allowing me to rest and rejuvenate myself for the coming weeks alone. Even though it would take more than one night to truly get there … I made the most of it!

I holed up in the hotel room. Got dinner and ate it in the room. Read my book. Worked on the computer. Watched a movie. Slept. With no interruptions! Woke up at my normal 5:30 am. And forced myself to go back to bed. Stayed in bed until 8 am (trust me, that is late for me!). Ate breakfast in peace. Took my time.

It was SO nice.

Yet I think the cooler thing about this complete role reversal for my husband and I, is the perspective it offered each of us. He was at home with the kids doing the things I do day in and day out– feeding them, doing the bedtime routine, putting them to bed, being on call in the middle of the night, waking up with them in the morning, dressing them, playing with them and getting them out of the house.

I, on the other hand, got a taste of what it’s like for him when he’s on the road. How relaxing it is to be by yourself … but also how lonely it can be too. Now, I’ll admit, in just one night I didn’t feel too lonely! But I can see how it would be that way if I traveled like he does. While I am with the kids everyday, he isn’t. And it’s easy to see that doing what he does would make me miss those little faces and the normalcy that being at home brings. I often get jealous of the break he gets when he goes to work. But having one night in his shoes, I know the break he gets isn’t enough to make me want to travel and live out of a suitcase like he does.

While last night’s hotel stay was relaxing and I am very thankful for the opportunity to take a break. What I am even more thankful for is the appreciation both my husband and I now have for each other’s roles in this crazy life we lead. As well as the renewed appreciation I now have for my own role. If you’re a momma, I highly recommend it!

Happy Mother’s Day Road Widows!!

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A few inspirational quotes for all you moms out there … Enjoy your day!

“Making a decision to have a child — it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”  – Elizabeth Stone

“God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.”  – Jewish Proverb

“Women do not have to sacrifice personhood if they are mothers. They do not have to sacrifice motherhood in order to be persons. Liberation was meant to expand women’s opportunities, not to limit them. The self-esteem that has been found in new pursuits can also be found in mothering.”  – Elaine Heffner

“If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family.”  – Lawrence Housman

Special Event – Helping Kids Cope With The Absence Of A Touring Parent

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Attention all Nashville Road Widows with kids!! There is a great discussion coming up for parents who struggle to help their kids cope with the long absences that a touring music career brings. Event details below!

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Wednesday, May 15
7 p.m. – 9 p.m.
$5 per person

Grace Community Church
Room 253
5711 Granny White Pike
Brentwood, TN

For more information, please visit Porter’s Call.

Managing Roles

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The other week Nise wrote a great post about being a good team with her husband. That post really hit home for me at a particularly challenging time.

My husband and I would definitely consider ourselves a good team. We have a long history together and often know the other better than we know ourselves. We know each other’s strengths and weaknesses. What makes us mad and what makes us happy. How we process thoughts and make decisions, and what we need to do so. We truly know each other inside and out. A 17-year history will do that I guess!

Recently, though, we’ve been struggling to find our groove. Forgetting just what a good team we make while we swim in a sea of crazy travel schedules, dirty diapers, sleepless nights, tantrums (both of the kid and adult variety), potty training, sleep training and messed up routines.

Our roles have significantly changed over the past several years. Our simple husband/wife team has morphed into many different roles:

  • traveling husband/working wife
  • new parents/dad/working mom
  • traveling dad/working mom
  • traveling dad/entrepreneurs/mom
  • traveling dad of two/breadwinner/stay at home mom of two

Needless to say, coming into this year has been a big shift for both of us!

We do great in our “new” roles apart. My husband working hard on the road and I owning the stay at home mom role while he’s gone. It’s his coming home that trips us up. You would think that’s backwards. I know I do! We should kill it as a team when he’s home. Right? There’s two of us, rather than one. That should mean it’s easier – easier to handle both kids, easier to tag team chores, easier to give each other the recharge time we need. But somehow it tends to have the opposite effect. And we tend to spend a lot of his time at home, overwhelmed by all the things we “need” and want to do and frustrated that we can’t seem to accomplish any of them.

So, reading Nise’s post was a good reminder that we DO make a good team. And we WILL find our groove again. But we have to figure out what schedule/routine works for the both of us, write it down and follow through with it!

How many of you struggle to “find your groove” when your husbands are constantly coming and going? What tips do you have to share?

The Dread of Summer Touring

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We returned home from our trip to California and it’s business as usual.  We arrived at 3am on Tuesday night and my husband had to be in Seattle at 9am to write and record demos for his band (his actual job-band). Changing gears from recording his acoustic, indie rock to poppy, alt rock was a bit of a stretch but I guess it worked out okay.

I’m looking at my post-vacation messy house and scrolling through our calendar and I just want to scream.  In just two weeks my husband leaves on a semi-long tour.  He’s been home a lot this winter so I’m used to having him around.  I’m basically preparing myself (mentally) to not see him until September.  He plays a lot of festivals and tours Tuesday through Friday in between.  So, saying they’re busy is an understatement.

Summer is the best in the Pacific Northwest and I’m sad he’ll miss yet another.  If anyone wants to invite me and an adorable toddler to any pool parties, let me know!